Too School For Cool

We’re talking, but no one is really saying anything

And I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

When I try to join a serious conversation

whatshouldwecallme:

Today was a prime example that I worry too much. I really have to stop doing that.

Virtues

I love smiling. Especially when it comes effortlessly or unexpectedly. I’m a good listener. I dream big and when I set my mind to something, nothing will stop me. I like being the sappy, loves a good love story, friend. I like learning new things about people. I think it’s interesting to see how people got to where they are from where they started. When I care about you I will always be there for you. I think that there is a purpose for everything. I’m growing up. I try to stay optimistic in everything I do. It doesn’t always work but I think life I much more enjoyable when it’s spent in a good mood. And when I’m in a bad mood it makes the good mood that follows feel even better.

Flaws

I’m stubborn. I push people away when I’m feeling down. I don’t tell them when I’m angry half the time just because I don’t want any confrontation. I have to be told often that I’m loved because if you don’t I start thinking that you don’t feel that way anymore. I over analyze every situation thinking of all the possible outcomes. I worry constantly about things and stress out way too easily. I don’t speak up because I’m scared that someone won’t agree. I give people advice on things even though I often have the problem of following that same advice. I’m scared of disappointing myself. I’m scared of disappointing my family and friends. I’m scared of ending up in a career that I’ll never be happy in. I’m bad about making decisions.

19 days

That is all that stands between me and FINALLY seeing you. I didn’t know for the longest time when I’d get to see you again. And all of a sudden. Boom. I find out a date. And now it is 19 days away. I am filled with so much excitement that I am about to burst at the seams. I’m also nervous. Not a bad nervous. A butterflies attacking my stomach nervous. The butterflies that only come when I’m around you. I love those butterflies. I’m so excited to just be in the same room as you. To just be able to finally hold your hand again and have a conversation face to face. Just those little things like that. That’s what I’m most excited about. To eat supper with you. Watch a movie. Meet your new friends. See California. I’ve dreamed about going to California for as long as I can remember and now I finally get to go. And I never imagined that I’d be seeing it with such an amazing person. I get to go on a date again that’s not a phone call. The last image that I have of you is when you dropped me off at my house the day that I had to tell you goodbye and we stood in my driveway for a while and then you had to leave so you’d make it home in time for dinner. I was so happy that I got to spend time with you but so sad at the same time because I didn’t know when I’d see you again. But now I’m finally know and it’s so close. I’m so unbelievably ready to see you. Just 19 more days.

Midnight ramblings

I’m home once again. For almost 4 whole months. I’m not exactly thrilled about being here, but at least my sister and niece are here too.

I wish Daniel was here. I miss him like crazy. Even though I can talk to him throughout the week now. That does make it easier. It’s funny. I never imagined a long distance relationship in my life plan that I made for myself when I was little, but somehow it works. Against all odds. It works.

I hope I have lots of adventures this summer. I realized yesterday it’s my last summer vacation. Next year I’ll officially be a grown up.

When I’m at school, I’m the old lady who goes to sleep around midnight. At home, I’m the young crazy kid who is awake long after everyone else.